The Elusive Obvious: Science of Non Verbal Communication – Michael Grinder

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Research indicates that 80-90% of all communication is non-verbal. Michael’s delineation of the 21 patterns of what one can do with one’s eyes, voices, body (including gestures and location) and breathing is a major breakthrough.

The Elusive Obvious: Science of Non Verbal Communication by Michael Grinder,
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Research indicates that 80-90% of all communication is non-verbal. Michael’s delineation of the 21 patterns of what one can do with one’s eyes, voices, body (including gestures and location) and breathing is a major breakthrough. What is amazing is that most of the patterns are cross-culturally accurate.

The work suggests that the difference between the science and the art of non-verbal communication is the following: the science is the acquisition of knowledge (i.e., the what of the communication) and a range of non-verbal strategies and intervention to deliver (i.e., the how of the communication) the knowledge. The art is the perception and timing of when to deliver the what and how of the communication.

Pivotal to Michael’s discovery is the emphasis on breathing. He is able to behaviorally answer the perennial conundrum of, “How does the practitioner know if one has permission to interact with another person?” If the other person is breathing high and shallow, the person is in stress and the practitioner doesn’t have permission. Conversely, if the other person is breathing low and abdominally, the person is relaxed and the practitioner has permission. This work behaviorally substantiates what most of us know intuitively. The second half of the book are some common applications of the non-verbal communication patterns.

The favorite is the adaptation of Fisher & Ury’s Getting to Yes win-win template to a practical micro level. Just like there are 26 letters that are the foundation of all words, so too are there 21 patterns from which all non-verbal communication is comprised.

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